'The Sad Times'

moving homes todaysies,
me and the woman are off to a new house, it is really exciting but sad also as we are having to move out of a place we both love and we both have many happy memoirs of being here! why move if we are happy? because you silly peoples we are moving to a house with a garden a garage (which will be my very own gym!) and we will have the option to buy the place somewhere along the line!
so...... chin up, hands by our sides and in we jump both feet first!........and no looking back! always moving forward never looking back! unless of course there is a wall in front of you in which case you must go around it, or climb over it, or dig under it..... or smash straight through it! unless of course it was the wall of our new house coz then we'd have to pay for the damage! not that we wouldn't pay for the damage if it was your house..... ya get me?
Cats are very much thefunny.co.uk! they act all weird when you move like they can sense its about to happen! for example just the other day i came in and raz was wearing one of carla's thongs and her bra while mitzy was cooking fried eggs and flinging them at raz shouting 'dance fat boy, dance!'...... hopefully they will calm down once they're settled into the new place and raz can get back to wearing his own damn bra's!
well ive gotta go 'load the van' or as carla likes to say 'feed raz' and then ive gotta put all our belongings into the van that is parked outside!
fare well and mind how you crossroads

Manchester and stuff

I've decided you all need to know of my 'experiences-Manchester'......

it was kinda rapid in that we went for the weekend yet spent little over 24 hours there.... you work it out!?
Things went on...

• i won poker on friday night..... correction saturday morning! this sounds great but in actual fact 4 hours of poker lasting until 6 in the moro won me back about 3 quid on a 5 quid stake! we had lots of fun and heated debates about the rules we should and should not apply... this involves everyone at some point taking the higher ground and saying they dont care and they're fed up of everyone else debating it, ha ha however coz moments later they find themselves right back in the middle of it all! basically it all boils down to the fact that i'm right and everyone else who argues against me is left.. i mean wrong! in fact lets get this one bit that always causes tension straight shall we........... the whole point of poker is not that everyone is able to get brilliant hands on a regular basis.... why? because poker IS NOT a game of luck, luck is one of the principles of the game however the most part and what is considered as the 'skill' part of it is reading other people as to what hand they may have, not just body language but how they bet too. if everyone has high hands most of the time then betting becomes erratic between the ones that have high hands. why would you try to bluff people with a crap hand knowing the chances are 2 or 3 people have good hands!? also knowing the chances are that your next hand will bring you some better 'luck'!? this just leads to crap hands folding and good hands always taking the pot. this one of many points (believe me this is why we were playing till 6!) is that if you take away the principle of bluffing in poker then you may as well just roll dice and bet on who's going to roll the highest score.
• right sorry bout that went into one there! we did watch gory films and funny films!
• we did eat fry ups! yum!
• beer was drunk! weed and cigars were smoked! trees were fell, yawns were yawned, dawns was broken, buses were ridden (dont get me started! i will go on more than if i were talkin bout poker! see tobiwan.co.uk for an idea of why!!!), women kissed each other!, and to top it all off me and the young failed jedi were kept awake at 5 in the morning to the moans and groans of a real life hussy!
• lots of motorway

............crossroads!

The City of The GobShite

s'up, we's offt' Manch'ster 't t' weekend! y'pee! Tob'wan, Matt t' Hat 'n m'self. we'll b' drink'n, smokin' c'gars, 'n gen'rally livin' t'up!

wow that was hard work! anywayz, really lookin forward to goin out in the 'chester maybe i'll meet Liam Gallagher next to the 'wonderwall', i'm sure we would then have 'hindu times' 'underneath the sky'. It feels like 'half the world away' as its so far! but 'its good to be free' to go up to see Joel the Iron Pole! i hope when we get there he's not sitting in his 'rockin chair' 'goin nowhere', but i'll soon make him 'listen up' and come out for a drink. we dont want him to 'fade away'! i'll miss Carla, but 'some might say' 'she's electric' so i hope she 'dnt look back in anger' when i go, i'll be the 'better man'! i woke up this morning with 'morning glory' but its just a 'force of nature'! i wont be 'hung in a bad place' about it!

You may think you need 'cigarettes and alcohol' but its 'probably all in the mind' so chuck em in the bin and 'get on down' to the crossroads!

Socks,Socks, Everywhere But Not a Pair in Sight!

I have lots of socks actually and hardly none boxers! where do they get to? maybe every now and then they get fed up of life as a pant and just decide 'why should my life be a constant teabagging!? why should i 'take one' in the face every time HE has wind!? i cant take the constant ups and downs life throws at me!' and then they pack their lunchbox and leave!

That is all,

maybe they go to wait at the crossroads!?

Check this......

if you want a giggle then look up steve hughes on youtube, he's an australian guy who does 'heavy metal' stand up comedy, he is very funny however he does swear a lot in case that offends you. i first saw him live at the comedy store in london and i was wetting myself! let me know wot ya'll think......

Now then..........

Right I've got some stuff to put out here on the 'station weather you like rain or not!

oooooh where to begin..... ok here seems good, i did one to the notts on Thursday and then on the Friday Carla and myself did do all of our xmas shopping in almost one hit but had to finish off on the Saturday (El, did you notice how I'm using capital letters at the start of days of the week? I'm very proud of me!) so everyone who receives a prezzie from us this crimbo you now know of its origins. (we made sure we didn't buy our presents from poor kids who work their fingers to the bone for a penny a month as that would be promoting child labor, so unfortunately now those poor kids are working their fingers to the bone knowing that the masterpieces they have created are going to stay put on the shelves of a shop somewhere!......... only jokin before you all unsubscribe from your favourite blog station! oh by the way all of you are yet to pay the subscription fee, don't worry its a one off payment of only £49.99, checks made payable to Aran Hawkins, £10 per azzman network session thereafter with an added charge of £2.50 per comment made. all rights reserved)

And then............ oh yeah Saturday night! oh what fun mmhm! i driveded to Chesterfield to be at the latest gig of STRANGEDAY, i had myself a good time. As Toby has mentioned it was a bit of a strange gig, suitably. Lets just say it was an intimate gig and leave it there. (NO ALCOHOL). I was blown away by all the rocking that went on, and the band were too classy for the audience. My favourite moments were..... Beautiful, Give it Some, Grace Abuse, Fog pilot, and the second song of the night which i don't know the name of, its a new one i believe and i was very impressed! Covers included End of the World which Toby forgot to remember the words to, he he, Message in a bottle which was quality (Toby has mastered this one i think) and the best version of Johnny Be Good I've ever heard with plenty of rocking and a mind blowing drumming performance by Darth Paul. I got all excited inside listening to this one! oh yeah and they didn't play my requested cover which upset me a little.... Workin' 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton would've gone down a storm! I think my favourite part of the evening though was before the gig even started. Strangeday were warming up and played an amazing version of Beautiful (i think it was this one but i couldn't hear the words coz they wasn't using the mic's, but i didn't need to coz the music they were playing made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up! i don't mean literally like, my hairs don't have little legs which they are able to stand up on, they don't sit down either coz they have no bums, so they just hang there then when they played the song they just kind of point out a little bit! imagine if they did have bums though....... wouldn't life be messy!?). Then at the end we Kebabbed a gooden!
Really Guys you should be playing to thousands, i believe you have the talent to go far and i hope you soon start getting the recognition you deserve!

anyway this blog has lasted far too long!

Rock on to the crossroads!

So i was thinking right........

Isn't 'thinking' a bit of a wierd thing? How does it work? i know that i can 'think' ...... sometimes, but i have no idea how i do it... it just kinda happens! i dont really wanna carry on with this coz i'll end up sat here rocking, dribbling at the mouth (hopefully nowhere else), and staring into space 'till Carla comes home, and upon hearing the key in the lock i'll come to as it dawns on me that we're going to Nottingham this weekend and i haven't done any of the things she asked me to do so we can leave on time.......... i'm in so much trouble!..............oh hang on that hasn't happened yet, YES! now i have plenty of time to doss about untill Carla's due home in half hour and rush around panicking and making sure ive done everything....... shit i've forgotten to get her top out of the wash and dry it!........... start again shall i? right i'll get the top out now to dry and stop boring you all with my day to day trivia!

Anyway i'm going to the Nott's this evening until Sunday which is going to be good ol' fun, its got such a bad reputation and there is way too much gang warfare ant wot not but all that aside its a quality place to go. There's lots to do and see and the nightlife for the most part is buzzin....... i would say its slightly more buzzin then the old classic buzzin B jeans we all used to wear (dont you try denying it!). I think i took to the place quite easily and this may have had something to do with the fact it was the first place Carla and i went away to stay (hey that last bit rhymed, i think thats gonna be my new rhyming slang for play...... yes i think that could work!).

Thanks for coming you're welcome back whenever you like.

i'll c y'all at the crossroads, but not before we've all been for a nice cold beer.

uhh what am i doing back here?

oh no my vow to never again blog is being broken! ............ oh well at least we'll all have a bit more fun around here!
this is a summary of what ive been up to since the last time we.... um... well since the last time you visited this blog to find that i had been arsed to write a post......

• finished my first year of uni and passed all my modules yay!
• im back in my second year now and i have too much work to do booooo!
• 'they' have officially landed the first hippo on the moon... the hippo was given the job of speeding up the rotation of the moon by running very fast. he must do this for 5 months until the change in gravitational pull means that the queen feels slightly lighter. this will obviously make her 'duties' much easier.
• seven
• i cant remember any more so you'll have to fill in the rest for yourselves...

wow ive done a lot of stuff! ive even started paragraphing which you may have noticed if you were part of the avid fan club of the network. and yes i realise that the info bout the hippo isn't something ive been up to!....... or is it?

maybe next time i have time out from blogging i'll learn how to use capital letters, correct grammer and chop sticks! (i do already know how to use chop sticks but there is always room for improvement!)

Ever wonderedered why things occur in a circular kind of way rather than in straight lines? dont worry if this makes no sense to you, it does to me and im the one writing it! what i mean is when something happens like say for example you have a conversation with a friend about another person you both havent seen in roughly 6 years. pretty straight line stuff..... until... the very next day you and the friend who featured earlier, walk out of your flat and literally bump into that very person who for some reason has their name printed on the back of their t-shirt!? i think you'll agree thats pretty circular! its like when you learn a new word, for the next week it keeps popping up! now it could be explained by saying that you are now aware of this word and now notice it being spoken or notice it written down but maybe its something way more sinister!? what do you think? i think this kind of stuff happens all the time and these are only 2 examples, i'd love to hear some of your experiences in the comments section........

well im back and ive tried to make this blog a long one as ive several months to make up for!

as always im sure we'll meet at the crossroads, till then my friends..... till then.

Oh yeah i have a blog page! Better Blog!

well im just sorry all you azzman networkers out there in the cosmos how could i deny you your favourite blogging experience for over a month!? well il tell you how..............huuuuuuuuuuuuh(taking deep breath)...iwasgonnablogsoonerbutcompletelygottiedupindoingnotalotreallyandthenforgotievenhadablogpageandthatitwasthebestblogpageevertohavebloggedwellnotreallybutiliketodeludemyselfgonnahavetobreathenow..huuuuuuuuuuuuh..... ya c it all makes sense now! that would have made quite a song come to think about it, i should have sung it to you in c minor! oh well onwards to other things...................... did you know that Brazil got its name from the nut not the other way round! or that a watermelon is in fact a vegtable? or even that sheep wont drink from running water? well now you do so theres only one thing left to do and that is to rock on down to new ash green on saturday night for the release of an album known as 'please intervene' by those ones known as 'strangeday'! cant wait its gonna be gigantified! also on the bill is a welter weight boxing extravaganza seeing Joel 'the iron pole' Hawkins take on that wierd looking fella from down the club, dancing bears, lady boys of Bangkok and not to mention the custard eating competition followed by the pea spitting tournament!!! should be a right craic!
anyway c ya there or if not your a kinda square shape thing better known as a LOSER!

thy shall see'ith thee at ye olde crossing roadeth

THAT Friday Feelin!

well here it is the long awaited new post from theazzmannetwork!...........well maybe not long awaited but perhaps middle distance awaitedment?
it just so happens to be a friday! you know dat friday feelin when you finish work or college or school or primary school or if you have just woken up or wotever it is that you do around that time of day on a friday? you know.... the one where you know you will be drinking excessive amounts of alcohol in a short few hours and letting yourself float into the arms of friday night that will fudgalise your brain until everything is fun and your inhibitions go on holiday to your knee caps where they make you walk funny and forget about their normal job of stopping you look like a pratt!
well you know that feelin? i dont have it today! i do however want to drink alcoholic fluid in the shape of a beer can several times over!

enough!







thought there should be gappage between that jargon and this serious stuff.
i have tried to put my new magic trick on my blog but it has not worked so you will have to go to youtube and search tobystrange to look at it! then come straight back and rate it out of 10 and guess at how it is done? and no it isn't a chocolate coin!!!!!

p.s. i know what you're thinkin..... primary schoolers getting that friday feelin i described? sounds odd and far fetched dont it!?
dont be so damn naive! this is the day and age of happy slappin, pre-teen murderers, and the ASBO. only last week i had my elbows knocked off by a 7 year old coz i refused to buy him cigg's and porn! then his little sister snapped off my spleen and kicked me in the jolly's!!!!

i cant hang around here all day i have to go and buy me some beer and stuff!......... crossroads

dis be azzman22, now Realize!

well hello there all ye peoples and peopesses,
i have been busy!
in less than a week(a week is made up of 7 days,days consisting of 24 lots of 60 min periods of time!) i have been greyhound racing (lots of fun but i won diddly, this was because A... i dint train hard enough coz they are fit ya know! and B i dint back the right ones!), this was uh thursday, and friday i went-a-drinky-matey-easty-bourney-laughy-jokey-lefty-righty-oopsy-daisy! saturday to the comedy store and i did laugh and the rest i cant be bothered to tell you..... but i did learn this....http:// www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w"> www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350">
(present from the sister and bro in law)
enjoy
crossroady-codey

dis be azzman22, now Realize!

well hello there all ye peoples and peopesses,
i have been busy!
in less than a week(a week is made up of 7 days,days consisting of 24 lots of 60 min periods of time!) i have been greyhound racing (lots of fun but i won diddly, this was because A... i dint train hard enough coz they are fit ya know! and B i dint back the right ones!), this was uh thursday, and friday i went-a-drinky-matey-easty-bourney-laughy-jokey-lefty-righty-oopsy-daisy! saturday to the comedy store and i did laugh and the rest i cant be bothered to tell you..... but i did learn this....http:// www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w"> www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"> (present from the sister and bro in law)
enjoy
crossroady-codey

dis be azzman22, now Realize!

well hello there all ye peoples and peopesses,
i have been busy!
in less than a week(a week is made up of 7 days,days consisting of 24 lots of 60 min periods of time!) i have been greyhound racing (lots of fun but i won diddly, this was because A... i dint train hard enough coz they are fit ya know! and B i dint back the right ones!), this was uh thursday, and friday i went-a-drinky-matey-easty-bourney-laughy-jokey-lefty-righty-oopsy-daisy! saturday to the comedy store and i did laugh and the rest i cant be bothered to tell you..... but i did learn this....http:// www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w"> www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"> (present from the sister and bro in law)
enjoy
crossroady-codey

dis be azzman22, now Realize!

well hello there all ye peoples and peopesses,
i have been busy!
in less than a week(a week is made up of 7 days,days consisting of 24 lots of 60 min periods of time!) i have been greyhound racing (lots of fun but i won diddly, this was because A... i dint train hard enough coz they are fit ya know! and B i dint back the right ones!), this was uh thursday, and friday i went-a-drinky-matey-easty-bourney-laughy-jokey-lefty-righty-oopsy-daisy! saturday to the comedy store and i did laugh and the rest i cant be bothered to tell you..... but i did learn this....http:// www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w"> www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"> (present from the sister and bro in law)
enjoy
crossroady-codey

Hullo?

uhh i think you got the wrong number!?

THFC and wot not!

so the spurs season carries on, and yet again we struggle to gain points away from home!
a point at Blackburn was, by the end of the game, quite a result for us as we struggled to hit top form again.
Mido could have stole us all 3 points on a couple if not several occasions but as his finishing was abismal, we were left to Defoe's sweetly taken penalty in the 62nd minute and a sending off for Tugay (apparently now a master of 30 yard volleys into the top corner! of course this kind of wizardry from a player who was yet to score this season can only happen against spurs!) to give us a kick in the arse! meaning we perhaps looked like the better team for maybe 20 mins in total! Hossam Ghaly's red card for spurs in the last few mins was in my oppinion very soft, and was a dissapointing end of a game for possibly the best player's performance for spurs! Davids had a good first half and not surprisingly that half was all he could manage, Defoe had a good game coming close with a turning overhead side kick, and making light work of running past the left back, only for his dangerous balls across the goal mouth to be easily dealt with as no one seemed hungry enough to charge into the area and be on the end of such good build up play!
Huddlestone put in a comfortable performance, assou ekotto was average, and Robinson made 1 or 2 fine saves (and needs no excuse for the goal as i doubt that there is a keeper in the world capable of stopping a shot like it! a definate goal of the month if ever i saw one!) Lee had a poor game and at times was a liability!
onwards to the uefa cup on thursday against bayern leverkusen where hopefully we should have more succes going forward with a rested Berbatov playing against his old team!
maybe we are missing Carrick, and his unrivaled distribution of the ball, in the league? maybe Zakora will soon fill his boots?

sorry to those of you who hate football or spurs but this was in my head so you get to hear about it!
and by the way i scored 6 goals in my football frolicking over the weekend and earned a man of the match to go with it! worth a mention me thinks as been long time waiting to get back to form!
crossroads.....NOT FORKROADS.......geddit?

Ramesis Nibblick the third, Kerplunk Kerplunk WHOOPS where's my Thribble

olleh lla uoy selpoep
woh si uoy gniog?
i ma derob os i tnac eb derehtob ot etirw sdrawrof!
yrgnuh...............attog teg doof.................eyb!

crossroads!
wow taht drow llits semoc tuo lamron neve nehw i epyt ti sdrawkcab!!!!................sti a ycaripsnoc i llet eeht!

H to the Izzo

..........V to the izzay!
yezur, its now thursday.
todays blog is being done with great haste for i have much to tell and so little time to tell it!
this message is going out to the top secret bodiam castle crew! news has just reached my britney's that oil is preparing to stop working in a bid to destroy america! its just going to stop being a fuel source by becoming a compound known as fl-oil! by mixing itself with floor boards!
yes thats right people, oil is going to become the worlds biggest terrorist organisation with this being its first of many attacks which will completley mess everyones heads up coz who's gonna see that one comin?!
apparently oil has had a big meeting and its fed up of everyone arguing and now it wants to have the earth for its own!
so, stage one in our plan must be prepared and awaiting action! i have made arrangements for my people to become employed by the castle and are infultrating as we speak!
this is not a conspiracy theory and is 100% true because i read it on the internet!...........i know, that means it definately is true!
in the mean time trust no-one i have also been informed that oil is disguising itself as kittens and also people in authority such as wives, headmasters, ticket guards and war veterans! who will we look to for guidance then? i hear you cry, well we're just gonna have to try and get by without these authoritarians for now and trust our own instinks such as methane!
we are getting closer to the crossroads my friends we may meet there sooner than you may have thought!
this blog will self destruct if you set fire to your computer!

today i AM the walrus

word up

today i feel like pretty much the bored! this is a feeling that will pass come 12 o clock as then i become THE WALRUS and my adventures will begin!?
my first adventure will surely be deciding what to have for my lunch quickly followed by making and then eating it yum yum!
next will come probably................im a probably bored of being the walrus by now so maybe il slip back into the me, coz ive got football training again at 3 and people might start thinkin im a bit of nut job! i know, why the hell would they think that? but they would!
well for now i guess il have to carry on as the eggman till my time comes and as for you? i think you neeeeeed to be a bit more careful where you are surfing to on this internet thing coz uhhh this is the kind of place you end up!

il see you at the crufts show.............i mean crossroads..........im not even gonna be at the crufts show so uhhh dont go there to meeeeeeeet me or anything stupid.
now get off my web space

happy monday!

yes it is monday! 3 days after and 4 days before friday! i hate mondays as a general rule because of many a reasoning!
1. its the start of the week and there is always loads of stuff to do in the following few days that makes you say uuuuhhhgggh fluuuurrr crap!
2. i have only one hour in uni meaning i have to travel to eastbourne for a tutorial which really sucks!
3. it sucks because in comparison to fridays its by far one of the worst days that anyone could invent!
4. tiredness is always present due to weekend funberlings.
there is also many other reasons that im sure you are screaming at your computer screens right now, but please dont shout coz its monday for goodness sakes!
i propose getting rid of mondays.......... if you're with me give me a hell yeah?!
actually, i do have football training in the evenings! and i suppose if mondays were no more to be then poor old tuesday would then have to take the burden of all us monday mourners, poor old tuesday! so i guess monday mornings are mostly the bad and evenings aren't so bad for me, and i would feel bad for tuesdays, so i guess mondays can stay but i wish, as a day, it would pick itself up a bit and look to days such as friday and saturday for inspiration!
MONDAYS TAKE NOTE!!!
i would much appreciate anyone elses take on the day of monday and your proposals for us all to have a better one?

what can i do but march onto the crossroads

azza