Pillow Talk

I've come to realise that human kind is divided into different categories by what we do with our pillows:

1. The neat and tidy sleeper. This kind of person wakes up in the morning with their pillow crisp and without a crease in sight as if it were just ironed. This person is very organised and efficient, with no time in the morning to have to fluff up the pillows and also 'it looks messy otherwise'.
2. The messy sleeper. This kind of person loves the pillow, it is their sleeping tool which they mould into all shapes and sizes to suit the activity such as reading. This person disregards tidiness for comfort and the pillow emerges in the morning in 'a right mess'.
   
3. The huggy sleeper. This kind of person doesn't use the pillow for its proper use and chooses instead to hug it!? this is because they need comforting and suggests problems with forming relationships as they cling desperately to the protectiveness of the womb. look out partners, you may soon or already have taken the place of the pillow and you will/already do get hugged all flippin night long!
   
4. The active dreamer. This type of person likes to use the pillow as a toy in their dream games and it ends up being all kinds of things such as a helmet, hotdog, giant mobile phone or even a whacking stick to keep the bed bugs away. This person has an over-active imagination and can be very dangerous at night. Buy this person extra padded pillows!

These are some categories of which man can be placed. See if you can suggest any other categories........

night night, sleep crossroads

How to consume the non-consumer?

i feel it is time for a list or 2! well i dont feel that it is time in the physical sense.... i have'nay placed my hand upon time and felt a bit fluffy and decided that this feeling was an urge of list writing, or that it meant i had to do it. i suppose what the real question is, is why do we allow ourselves to be consumed in time? we are forever engulfed in instance..... the past and present are merely a daydream and/or fantasy and for the most part both are fabrications of reality. the only real thing in life is this moment now........ no its now, now......wait that bit is the past now and this bit is the present....... oh shit now thats the past...... this is tiring stuff trying to hang onto 'the now'!
did you know that everybody exaggerates stories to some extent as a kind of an instinct thing. it is to try to draw the listener or your audience to your experience and you try to make the listener experience it themselves.... which is impossible. a great example of when this happens on a large scale is magic shows and the such. a magician is fooling his/her audience and tricking them into believing in magic as they have no other explanation. now as you and i know there is no such thing as 'magic' and everything has an explanation but you would be surprised at how many people are willing to believe the opposite. part of this process is when someone spreads the word about the magician, what they will do is explain the tricks and exaggerate them in order for the other person to be mystified as well leaving out things in their own memory such as slight of hand or times at which the magician could have planted an object so for example, a magician who makes a coin vanish from his hand after waving his other hand over it may change to the coin was in the palm of his hand then he gently closed his fingers round the coin and opened his hand and the coin had gone. the mind erases the memory of the magician waving his hand over the coin and if this was told to someone else the obvious logic would be that he somehow palmed it or took it at that moment and this would make the person telling it look foolish. and this is why magicians still have an air of mystery and magic is still believed. the same thing with tarot card readers.... they ask some very broad questions and narrow down from clues in your answers and eventually say something which 'means something to you' but also make quess work using broad statements like 'im getting the name dave does that mean anything to you? no? david? dan? oh you know a donald yes donald is the name im getting its just not very clear love!'. also they say things like 'you are a very caring person aren't you and you try to see the good in people'. this technique is known as 'cold reading' and is very effective because EVERYBODY likes to think that they are caring and try to see the good in people or at least the majority of people do but the idiot paying the tarot reader thinks their powers are real as they 'hit the nail' with broad statements like that! when this person tells someone else that this tarot reader said things they couldn't have known this is because they block out the previous guesswork of the fraudster so they can believe in what they are saying and they wont look foolish to the person they are telling. they ignore evidence that may suggest they are wrong and take in all the evidence that back up their beliefs, serving to make their beliefs stronger.

sorry about that went on a bit of a ramble, i must say however that i think magicians are ok as long as what they are doing is entertainment and they dont try to claim to have magical powers but tarot readers and the like are frauds who make a lot of money out of other people's vulnerabilities....... wankers!

here's the lists

things that amaze me:

• magnets..... wow how does that work!? let me have a go
• modern technology....... wow haven't we humans done well as a race in developing amazing technology very quickly!
• the sensor thing you wave your hand over in public toilets so as to avoid touching dirty flush handles...... annoying thing is you still have to lift the toilet lid up...... hmm a gap in the market!?
• animals.... wow some of them are funny!
• hippo's being sent to the moon.

things that un-amaze me:

• pencils..... they're so last millenia.
• bills......... his are just so un-amazing
• mud
• tiramisu
• cement mixers

pick a crossroads any crossroads......

Mad Blog Rush

well it seems to be a bit of a blog rush here at the 'network. 2 blogs in one day i hear you say! but i didn't see you pay! i cry in dismay! 'oh, well here is some hay!?' you suddenly proclaim, and i say ok now put it on the tray and dont play with your jayjay in may....... it may pass away.

i didn't mention that spurs went and did it! we absolutely stuffed the arse nal 5-1! i know that maybe arsenal could have had a stronger team but there is never an excuse to lose a north london derby and that scoreline has embarrased arsenal as a football club and it has made their fans an absolute target of pisstaking for a few years to come. i know it took us 9 years to beat them but they have never given us an absolute belittling as we did to them on tuesday night! after such a poor start to the season i think this has made it all worthwhile and if we go on to win nothing and get nowhere in europe i shall not be left a hollow man come the end of the season. that was our cup final, that was our chance to right so many wrongs and what a scoreline to do it with! i better stop talking shit before my bubble bursts.... which it is likely to do on sunday when we go to old trafford in the F.A. Cup! oh well...... and arsenal you can have your silverware, coz one day we will get there, and we'll be able to say, we absolutely smashed you along the way!

after 2 long long long weeks of solid uni work trying to get everything handed in on time (3 lab reports 2000 words each, a coaching file 3000+ words in total, a 2000 word essay on corner kicks in football and a practical lab exam- which i very nearly aced by the way!) i can finally relax for a week or 2 before the real work starts!..... i know! how does it get any realer than that shit!? but believe me it does! the best thing is though that i feel very positive about all my work so far and im pretty sure i should be averaging a 2:1 but i shall find out in the following weeks! it does make me think how many people would finish with first degree honours if we all put real effort in throughout the year rather than right at the last minute. maybe im learning this slowly but i think it is just in the nick of time!

crossroads BSc

Morning.....

yes i am blogging at 2 in the morning. this is dedication at its highest ladles and jellyspoons! i mean could you ask for any more from AzzManNetwork? well actually i suppose you could ask for a shoulder massage, a nice cup of hot chocolate and a monkey clasping a minty hammer, but..... you guessed it, you wouldn't have got those things whether you asked for them or not!...... maybe the minty hammer actually...... yes you might have got the minty hammer but without the minty bit....... you would probably just get the hammer with no minty freshness at all! but i've run out of those so please dont ask for one so as to avoid dissapointment!
i am up at this silly time as i am finishing a lab report on blood pressure that is to be handed in to reception by 12:30 tomorrow! ive had waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many cups of coffee and my head is going at 55555555555555555mph and my body however is travelling somewhere in the present future or so i was told once, i never did get to see the end of that film someone rang me near the end to tell me 49 little white lies.

here's a joke then bye

a woman is showing a general handyman round her house to inform him of the colours she would like the rooms to be painted. 'i would like it to be red in this room' says cindy. the handyman we shall name barry goes to the window and shouts out 'green side up!'. cindy is a bit pertubed however doesnt like to say anything. they go to the next room and cindy says 'i would like this room to be beige'. barry opens the window and shouts 'green side up!'. getting a bit annoyed now but holding her toungue cindy moves onto the next room. 'i want this room in a chocolate brown' barry opens the window and shouts 'GREEN SIDE UP'. cindy says 'why the hell do you keep shouting green side up ive asked you for brown, beige and red!?' barry says 'sorry luv ive got 2 YTS boys in your garden laying the turf!
the end goodnight
too late for crossroads

And in the famous words of Porky Pig...........

The JayHawk, Twinkle Toes, The ChazMan and my good self bowled our jolly brains out last night..... things got messy! and...well.... The AzzMan and JayHawk, we did draw 2-2 on games however i was outclassed by some fantabulous bowling from the Daj! he got a turkey which is 3 strikes in a row at one point and whammied a score of 153! my best of the evening was 135 but i only managed 100, 97 and 111 on my other goes. ive done better. as for the poor old (by old i mean young) ChazMan, he managed an alltime record of just 7 points off his first 4 throws (or 8 throws depending on whether you look at it from the perspective of a german rat weasel eating grime off of the two times world champion of table tennis, Ping Pong! he has an amazing back hand!) but he is usually quite good. and Carla 'Twinkle Toes' Davies done herself proud with 2 strikes over the course of the evening.
Anyway............. uh
..........................................uhhh
............mmm
cant think of anything worth typing...

Spurs have yet again set themselves up for a fall getting as far as a semi-final only to draw Arsenal again! the fact is quite simply that we cant beat them and the best we ever get is a draw, even though we always manage to get the lead against them! last year in this same fixture we found ourselves 2-0 up at half time in the first leg only to get nosebleeds and lose the bottle to actually get a result against them! We tend to be given only one chance at doing one over on Arsenal as they subsequently brought their class to the second leg and there was no way they were giving us another chance! we lost that second leg 3-1 i believe. its the same old story with spurs, two weeks ago we played out of our skins to go 1-0 up and then proceeded to bottle many chances to put the game beyond the scumbag's reach....... yes you guessed it they got an equalizer late on, and as history does have an annoying habit of repeating itself joined with the fact that (and this pains me greatly to say it but....) the goons have been a damn classy team this year, i very much doubt they will allow us another chance to seize a place in the final. Maybe the only glimmer of hope is that they now have to come to the lane (whereas last year this was reversed) and while this season so far has not done anything to validate this but..... White Hart Lane has been known to be a bit of a fortress...... somehow i just cant seem to get a clean grasp on this greasy pole of hope. There is a slight dry patch on this pole and this is the fact that we've scored more home goals (NOT OWN GOALS!) than any other team in the top flight this season but while this sounds great we've also let in nearly as much along the way.
this leads me to 2 score predictions:
A realistic and history proven 3-1 to the Arse
and a deluded, hope driven, spurs fan prediction of 3-2 to the almighty white army!
after all isn't false hope what being a spurs fan is all about!? either way it is a game not to be missed and i have a feeling its gonna be a right crackerjack.

CrOsSrOaDs and out

I've had a thought!

its not often you all get the chance to hear from the azzman network is it?! well i have been busy, you see? do you? do you see? i don't mean do you understand that i have been busy i am merely asking you if you have the gift of sight? i do and it makes me kind of giddy sometimes! but its ok coz i can see something near me to hang on to if i do become giddy with sight! can you imagine if i couldn't!?...... Bad times!
we've not long had our internet access back as we moved home and for some reason it took 21 days and 3 phonecalls for tiscali to sort their life out!
anyway ive got this idea about life and it generally involves circles and hard to follow diagrams with no key and lots of lines. i was kinda thinking the other day about a scientific fact/theory (i suppose nothing can be fact in this bizarre dream we call reality- HEAVY!) is that energy is never lost, it is simply transformed to another form of energy so for example the energy from the sun is photosynthesisededed by plants for energy to grow that energy is then eaten and transformed to kinetic energy or mainly heat energy which then is transformed into.... i kinda get lost at this point but you get the picture. if this is the case and if we can for one moment assume our souls or spirits are a form of energy by themselves then it leads to the simple logic that there must be life after death as the energy from our soul or spirit will not be lost but transformed into...... what? i dont know and neither do you so im gonna stop talking nonsense and so should you.
man this network gets deep sometimes!
have you ever wondered why i use so many !!!!!!!!'s? i do yet i still use them coz it just feels right!
i was wondering the other day why i always wait for stuff to happen and i kinda have this instinct, and i guess from talking to others most other people have this too, to assume things will happen for nothing and i get frustrated when they don't. for example, some of my uni work..... i just assume that i will start an assignment with plenty of time before hand in dates although i never make any kind of effort to start it or help myself and then before i can give myself a slap i have only just enough time to work solidly to get it in on time. now, i realise that this will probably mean that it wont be as good as it should be, and i learnt this lesson quite a few years ago, i learnt the theory behind it but never learnt practically from it!? does that make sense?
anyway i am slowly trying to force into my head that you only reap what you sow and maybe one day soon i shall become driven to succeed in the things i want to achieve..... maybe not. i guess this kinda relates to Newton's third law that every action has an equal and opposite reaction..... have a think about that will you!?
so to summarise this lesson i think we've all learned a bit about my mental health, some of you have been able to apply the things you've learnt into a match situation, some of you have been able to develop your skills and start to understand the principles of these skills. i want you all to remember that the drills we do in the session are to increase your performance in a game and you'd be surprised how much the stuff we learn in the session flys out the window when we get into a game at the end. so you should all be thinking during a game.... support play; width and depth in attack; compact in defense; create space and think about where your pass is going!

get a shower and i'll see you at the crossroads.