The AzzMan Network

I just love John Trivia.... you know, the one from Dirty Dancing?

2009-06-10T11:29:00.002+01:00

Here today on your very own favourite time waster browsing page i have compiled a general package of downright awesome facts and trivia for your musings...............

FACT: It just so happens that there is no dark side of the moon..... it is in fact all dark! Hmnyah!

FACT: Petrol is aptly named after the fact that when it was first invented it was actually used as a flea repellent on domestic animals such as cats and dogs. You see they used to roll their pets in the stuff! This soon came to an end after many millions of houses across the world burnt down due to accidental fires. Back then of course it was thought of as good practice to let your pets play with matches and well.......

FACT: Contrary to popular belief, trees and plants are not legally entitled to absorb CO2 from the atmosphere (see common law SY453.B in the manual.... don't just take my word for it!) thus making them carbon dioxide thieves! Other species (ourselves included) turn a blind eye to this due to their excellent bribing techniques coupled with the fact that they own the majority (39/48th's) of the worlds stash of oxygen.

FACT: I know what i'm talking about.

FACT: kelloggs cornflakes are God's corn flakes from his feet (He scrapes them regularly).

FACT: Nobody actually invented the deckchair. It was discovered living in the wild back in the 1860's.

Is that enough factual knowledge to get you through the week? I think it is!
And, if anyone challenges you on these FACTS when you pass them on, remember that its not up to you to prove these facts, its up to them to prove you wrong..... the bastards!

'I'll see you at the crossroads' is actually an anagram of 'see ya later alligator'

Titter titter, Hee hee said the fly to the bee!

2009-06-04T13:56:00.002+01:00

Once upon a time sat a fly and a bee, atop what can only be described as a bosnian kettle (and you all know what they can look like in a constituency!!)... anyways, there they both were discussing the true meaning of the word piddle when all of a sudden the fly had an epiphany....
'I,ve just had an epiphany!' the fly exclaimed out loud. 'well well well' said the bee 'i'm not sure how to deal with this situation, i mean after all i'm just a bee, i'm lucky if i can use a non-transcendial verb in the correct pretence, whatever shall we do about this?'. 'we shall travel to the all knowing gnat on the other side of the pond to find out what an epiphany is and what we can do with it!!' said the fly.
Finally they arrive at the other side of the pond after flying for what seemed like a bit more than when they flew from the tree at the bottom of the hill to the moo cow and back again!
'We're here to ask of your wisdom' said the fly and the bee to the gnat in unison. 'what does unison mean?' asked the gnat. 'i don't know why do you ask?' asked the bee in reply, 'oh i just need to know for my homework, i'm doing a case study on the history of nylon string dont worry about it'.
'i've had an epiphany and i dont know what it is or what i can do with it!?' said the fly to the gnat.
'you silly sausage' said the gnat 'you haven't had an epiphany, thats just the way your trousers rack up! now get out of here before the daddy long legs gets here and starts tickling everyone!'
'titter titter, hee hee' said the fly to the bee 'i can't believe how silly i be!'.

I think we can all take something from that story.....

crossroads dear watson...... crossroads

how many, how much???

2008-06-10T09:11:00.002+01:00

hello again i am back
now i know that my only topic of conversation sometimes is Derren Brown, and well this is not about him but about something he writes about in his book which i found i took particular interest in and to not reference him could be considered plagiarism..... that and the fact that im secretly stalking him and want to be just like him.... in fact behind closed doors i dress up in silly little suits and draw on a ginger goatee beard and try to steal wallets off of Mitzy and Raz using my cunning!!!!

If there was a deadly virus and 1 in 10,000 people had it, (just imagine for a brief few seconds if you will) and you are terribly concerned that you may have in fact caught it (because you are melodramatic.... i neither know what that word really means or know if ive used it correctly!!!). you go to see the doctor (no this isn't a joke) who informs you that the test for this certain virus is 99% accurate, whether you have the virus or not (no medical test is ever 100% accurate). Now imagine to your shock horror the test comes back POSITIVE!!!! dun dun duuuuuun!
Now how worried should you be that you in fact have the virus?????? Read through the above once more and come to a decision on how likely it is that you have it as a percentage....do this before reading on.............

Did you come to the conclusion that it must be 99% as the test is 99% accurate??????
well you would be wrong........ you are actually about a hundred times less likely to have it then to not have it...... How? well remember that only 1 in10,000 people have the virus..... now lets say that 1million people take the test...... out of those 1million people only around 100 people are going to have the virus...... so out of that 100 people who have it, 99 will have been correctly diagnosed and been told that they have it which they do (as the test is 99% accurate). 1 of those will have been wrongly told they do not have it when they do........... But if you remember that the test is 99% accurate whether you have it or not...... out of the 1million people there will be 999,900 people who do not have the virus...... out of these people 1% of them will have been wrongly diagnosed as having the virus (test is 99% accurate) so 9,999 people will have been told they have it when in fact they dont!!! now which of the 2 groups are you more likely to be in, the group of 99 that have been correctly told they have it or the much larger group who have wrongly been told they have it??????????

It has been shown that we find it difficult to expand our thinking past a low scale, for example (if it was possible) if you fold a piece of paper in half 100 times how tall tall would it be? a house? a mountain? to the moon? in fact it would be as large as the known universe!!!!!! its hard to contemplate but this is why we are so amazed by amazing coincidences when if you look at the big picture its not that amazing. For example SOMEONE has to win the lottery and i can imagine that millions of people dream about winning or fantasize about winning so the chances are one of these people will win...... so when the person who wins it tells everyone they had a premonition of winning in a dream is it really seeing into the future? well obviously not to you and me but because there are millions of people who would have had the same 'premonitions' but will never win the lottery.... but people will truly believe they have these psychic powers because they cant understand the bigger picture.

I could really go on and on and on because i find this kind of stuff fascinating but its a bit crap writing all this stuff and not having someone to converse with about it..... thats this blogging in a nut shell for ya!
Anyway lets all hope that oneday i take my interest further by reading someone else's books on similar things so that i dont keep vomiting up Derren Brown all the time!!!

3...2...1... your back at the crossroads!!!!

Exercise!!!

2008-03-11T13:15:00.000Z

ok you lot time for a boring blog of me demonstrating i officially have more rabbit than sainsbury!!!

Isn't exercise a funny old topic!? well yes it is if you find that kind of thing humerous!
the governments guideline for how much exercise an adult should be doing in an average week is 30min of moderate exercise 5 times a week.... now how many of us do this? I for one think i probably dont meet this target on an average week but i try to nonetheless! This is just to have a good level of day to day fitness and this is not just nonsense plucked out of a chickens bottom, it is scientifically shown that to sustain a healthy level of fitness you should be doing this much exercise.
Do you get out of breath just from running up a flight of stairs? you need to do more! and this is vital for maintaining not just physical well being, aiding against weight gain, aches and pains, struggling with normal daily physical demands etc (believe me the list is endless!) it also helps with your pschological well being too! it has been shown that regular exercise is effective with helping mild to moderate depression!
it seems very hard to be able to incorperate this much time exercising into your daily routine but once you force yourself into a routine of doing exercise then i assure you after 3 to 4 weeks it will seem effortless to do and whats more if you push yourself hard in this first phase then you will see big improvements and you will find you have loads of motivation to keep going which at the start seeems impossible! I know because i learn about all this stuff at uni but also i have experienced it first hand in weightlifting and more recently cardiovascular training.

You have options too people! you dont have to just go for a run, you could get a skipping rope and use that, buy a workout DVD and use that, find a mate who wants to exercise and think of ideas, go swimming, join a gym (if you have money to burn!), you could even spend half an hour walking or jogging up and down your stairs!!!!! and then you could do 30min stretching infront of the TV inproving your flexibility (the quickest and easiest ability which can be improved and can help with aches, pains, pulling muscles etc)!

See its simple and those are only a few suggestions.

anyway im gonna try to practice what i preach until you all think im a fitness nutjob!

oh yeah and im currently trying to go a month without alcohol just because i was thinking about the last time i went a whole month without it and i think it was probably when i was 14! scary huh!? I am currently 1 week and 2 days going strong! it really doesn't help that i have a fridge full of beers and a cupboard full of red wine!!!

well i think thats my half hour of exercise today... hard work typing on this keyboard!

Im off for a run down to the
CrossRoads
anyone care to join me???

whats the difference??

2008-02-28T13:13:00.002Z

hello again,

i dont know what i want to talk about so its all just gonna roll outta my mind... in little drops.
why do i always seem to have so much motivation for things in my head but when it comes to doing the thing i feel motivation for my legs drop off, my eyes go blind, my knees say 'nah'.... well actually they dont coz they fell off with my legs.... my mind goes blank and then my lazy sloth chemicals take over my body forcing me to watch jeremy kyle, look at stupid stuff on youtube, read the paper or just stare blankly into space waiting for a real life situation to smack me in the face and scream 'sort ya life out ya arse! get that marmite off your shoulder blades and do something productive!'............well life goes on....

i was thinkin of goin to see the world as ive not seen it yet, everyone says its great.... maybe i'll jst go up to space so i can see it more clearly...... oh no wait i've got it i can just look at it on google earth!!! dont even have to leave the computer! isn't that just like life nowadays? i remember back in the war when if you wanted to communicate with someone you went to see them or arranged to meet up with them and not just email, txt or skype them!

I hereby call for Strangeday to sort themselves out and start gettin loads of gigs again, it seems to me that they dont seem to gig it up very often which is a shame, i thought those guys would be all over my face after their al-bum release (he he i said bum!) maybe i just dont check out when their gigs are gonna be well enough!? if you are with me though give me a 'hell yeah'!...(....) ((....) means listening out for a chorus of hell yeah's).

did you hear about the one with the fat rabbi and 44 mischevous monkeyrats?...... maybe another time yeah!?

Come on you spurs!!!!!

cRoSsRoAdSiNnIt!

fill in the blanks

2008-02-19T16:24:00.004Z

i was kinda thinkin today how strange teaching methods can be.....
my examples will follow...... read it, think about it, relate it to your own experiences, go 'oh yeah i get wot u mean' and then store it away somewhere dark!........
At a basic level of learning.... for my examples this would be GCSE P.E or a young football team...... a basic bit of knowledge is given for pupils or players to learn.... for my examples this would be 'the cause of fatigue in muscles is the build up of lactic acid' for the football team a defensive principle 'when you have possession of the ball in defence dont pass it across the face of the goal'.... Now these things have elements of truth in them but fail to give the bigger picture and this makes sense to a point as this allows pupils/players to learn slowly and build up their knowledge.... lactic acid plays a part in fatigue. its presence in the muscle is created via pyruvate which is a by-product of glycolisis (breaking down of glycogen to produce energy). Lactic acid is so unstable that in the presence of lactate dehydrogenase it becomes both lactate in the muscle and hydrogen atoms in the muscle. The cause of fatigue is brought about via the presence of these hydrogen atoms building up due to lack of oxygen delivery to the muscles allowing the hydrogen to carried away....... the defensive principle is simply to give a basic rule of not passing across the goal as this can lead to the opposition intercepting a pass close to your own goal and gifting them a clear shot on goal. The bigger picture is that this is a guideline rule for when the defence is under tight pressure from the opposition, obviously if there is no pressure on then there is no reason at all why a ball should not be passed across the face of the goal and that is even maybe a preferred option as it switches the point of attack while also finding space to play....

anyway my point is that on most cases the pupil/player learns the basic bit and never goes on to learn the whole bit due to not going on to a higher level of that subject and this creates stupidity as then the person who learns that build up of lactic acid causes fatigue or not to pass across goal believes this to be fact or whatever and then tells other people and this kind of thing leads to weird facts coming up that are not true. It doesn't really matter about the lactic acid thing i suppose but the football thing does nothing to improve the quality of football at lower levels. An improved lower level has an effect all the way up to the top..... more players with better understanding of football..... more competition for places in teams..... masses of quality players to select for the country..... win the world cup...... lots of money for the country...... countries pockets get baggy..... i think we all know what that means!?

i dont really make much sense when i go on like this but it releases endorphines into my brain so im just gonna carry on!

I gues what i mean is... when teaching someone something basic so they understand slowly and its not all too much too soon why not make sure of going on to explain the whole thing later on in the term or just even brush over it so they realise there is more to it. A good example here is that stupid thing people say that we only use 10% of our brains!? absolutely no evidence suggesting this is true and loads of evidence to suggest the opposite..... it probably came from some basic level of teaching psychology somewhere.... maybe what was meant was that at any given time we are only using 10% of our brain on average. this doesn't mean we have 90% of brain power we could use for things such as telepathy it just means that for example when you are relaxed the part of your brain that controls excitement is not being used contributing to the 90% that is inactive at that time....... geddit?

I hereby take the opportunity to apologise whole heartedly for this post!

CrossRoadzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

.........

2008-02-19T16:24:00.001Z

Hello again....

2008-02-12T12:28:00.000Z

now i know you have all been waiting intensely for the result of the last post link game thing and while im sure you would all love me to tell you what it was exactly i think i'll just end the game here as i feel ultimately this game can only go in a downward direction from this point.... i'm kinda doin an Eric Cantona and finishing while its at its peak. I think its fair to say that there is only one winner in all of this and that it is the points master.... me! you see the game essentially had nothing to do with linking anything nor did it have anything to do with points..... i masterminded the whole damn thing before it even started with the aim something completely different to what i had you believe that it was and so involve you in something you would not have helped me to achieve in other circumstances other than for your own benefit...... Yes you may or may not have already guessed at this point i now hold the record for the most genuinely posted comments on a single post within the network of bloggers involved! by this i mean comments posted by yourself dont count and asking people to post a comment to aid you in breaking a record dont count neever!...... i win! and as the points were just a red herring you dont need to know how many points you all finished on and the reality is is that you were all just pawns being used to my benefit. I guess you could say you have all learned a valuable lesson about life and such as you could relate this to everyday situations and what not.

moving swiftly on.....

a convo i had with TheBum and others at the weekend stirred me into further research... you see i am a big fan of Derren Brown and i think some of the things he does are baffling and very interesting. i have read his book and watched all of his shows and although i agree and he explains himself that he is essentially a showman, what i believe to be true is that he is trying to explain to his audiences how illusions, hypnotism, psychology etc. all work in order to baffle you. He is also very passionate about frauds who claim magical powers. If he used actors or set-ups he would essentially be a fraud himself and after reading his book and watching him in live and pre-recorded shows i would be amazed if this was the case as he is very obviously passionate about psychology, his work and dedicates himself to what he does. I dont feel i am being naive to think this... i thought like others before seeing all of his shows but also reading his book where he explains what he is trying to do in depth. You see the structure of his programs is to lure you into his topic of trickery, using different types of tricks and such that are very different yet use the same principles, then he tells you how certain things are done. As a twist and to make his shows baffling he then goes on to do another more complex trick to make you think what the french connection UK! he does this to make you think outside the box as to how he did it.... the clue to how he did it comes from the explanation of the certain principles earlier on only it involves more complex ideas.

um that wasn't gonna be my point....... i somehow went into one... sorry! my point was gonna be about the news article TheBum read about Derren Brown admitting his russain roulette thing was a hoax. what has happened here (from what i can see from reading the article from the BBC and listening to what TheBum said) is a reporter has taken certain statements made from Jersey spokepeople and statements from the shows producers and taken things out of context and made it look like there was an admission from somewhere of a hoax. TheBum has read this and disregarded the clues that suggest this. (this ties in nicely with what Tobiwan and TehJayHawk harp on about in their blogs.)
What the Jersey police said to cover their own backs was that no live ammunition was used and no one was in any danger of being hurt. Ok they used blanks but you probably know blanks can still be extremely dangerous and can kill when fired at point blank range.... Derren was pulling the trigger with the thing pushed against his head. They said no one was in any danger of being hurt. this was not because it was a hoax, this was because 'after investigating into how the stunt was performed' they came to the conclusion that there was no risk. This means they found out how its done and realised its a tried and tested method of psychology used in many different forms by magicians all over the world. The man who loaded the gun was not an actor, the gun did have a blank loaded into it and Derren Brown new the trick would work and so had no problem pulling the trigger against his own head. Just because mistakes happen and this was potentially something very stupid to perform... NEARLY live on TV... in case something did go wrong..... doesn't mean it was a hoax! How did Harry Houdini die again?
oh and another version of the trick in a different format is magicians use polystyrene cups with fuck off great big nail which a member of the audience placed under one... the magician then slams his hand down on the cups one by one leaving the nailed one till the end. Use the internet and you will find footage of it going wrong in one case the magician used a member of the audiences hand and held her wrist slammed her hand on the wrong cup and as you can imagine his act stopped short.
The End
Im right
Cross Roads

Who said the Hawkins family weren't competitive!?

2008-02-06T10:08:00.000Z

I dont think i have ever recieved 8 comments on one of my posts, yet start a silly little game and the Hawkins mob cant get enough!
I've had phone calls about gaining points and heard of gloating and squabbling amongst the masses!
Now..... this is how it works. I am the protector of the points and it is through my discretion that points shall be awarded, subtracted, multiplied, fried and high fived!.... scuba dived!
This game is by no means to be taken as a personal assault on yourselves!... or on your shelves!
The points king takes bribing and such as a very serious breaking of the rules!!! points shall be earned and if certain game players wish to climb the rankings then they need to start making those links!
Now the last link was.... when explaining the previous link i stated that i removed certain letters and replaced them with others..... the first 4 letters of the new letters spelt out ROSS..... ross is the first name of ross kemp.... who made a tv series called ross kemp on gangs!
the new standings look like this:
Tobiwan: 10,000 (still out in the lead for BEING CREATIVE in the first round, although earning nil pwuh this time round)
JayHawk:6,800 (this was half of the overall points allocated for this round for getting half right... oh and he has a game in hand)
AllThingsMother: 0 (this may seem harsh but unfortunately giving birth to me has no effect on getting points as this game isn't called 'give arguments as to why you should get points' it is merely called 'the linking game'! also this bordered on bribary however you made an attempt at guessing the link (the spleen thing..... dunno how you got there!?) and this has saved you from having points subtracted from you)....(thanks for joining in though its made the game a bit more exciting with more players!)
El'sBells: 0 (this is actually a gain in points since the last time. these points have been awarded for not getting mixed up in all the silly-nisss this game seems to have brought about!)

LookBeforeYouCrossroads!

Untitled...

2008-02-04T10:37:00.000Z

well tobiwan seemed to be the only person to have a go at the linking game (see comments on last post) and although he did not win he gets 10,000 extra bonus points for impressing me with an outstanding link to my last post. I was stinkingly naive to think that there could be but one link that makes peoples spleens go pop. The correct link was that i mentioned Ashley Cole being a muppet..... Mr. Cole plays for Chelsea F.C. which is owned by Russian billionaire Roman Abromovich..... as such Chelsea have since been nicknamed Chelski......... i simply removed the letters h, e and l and replaced them with r, o, s, s, r, o, a and d! Easy!

So now the score reads,
Tobiwan: 10,000
El: -792 (for posting a comment but failing to attempt a guess at the link)
JayHawk: 0 (for not posting a guess and playing along although i know he's out there coz he posts from time to time!)

No one else has a score as im not really sure that anyone else reads this blog page...... does that make you 3 guys feel exclusive?

Crossroads-on-gangs

ummm!?

2008-02-01T10:52:00.002Z

ok a picture of me with my nipple out should have appeared on the previous nipple.... i mean post. sad times! it took me half hour to figure out how to post a picture but its just too hard and now my nipples will be...... wait i mean now i cant be bothered to try again! why dont they make it easy like dragging a picture straight out of kodak and putting it straight onto the nipple.... dammit!.... post. the people who design these computery things should really stay a-breast of the situation and try to make it simple for computer-illiterate freaks of modern society like mynipples...... i mean myself...... and my nipples.
try saying nipples 50 times out loud and for some reason the word sounds wierder the more you say it! now try saying just nipple.... really quietly.... almost a whisper...... now touch your left nipple gently........ urr you just touched your nipple while saying nipple to yourself quietly!
anywayz i gotta go get on with stuff i cant hang around here all day talking about nipples.... i might turn into one!
does anyone know where i might find Cheryl Cole? i've got a shoulder she can cry on.....
Ashley Cole..... what a muppet!

ive got a new little game for my blog, feel free to join in at any time. you have to guess at what the link is between my post and the style of crossroading at the end of the post. so for example if i were to post and at some point mention i was in a bad mood...... imcrossroads. geddit? now this can be as obscure and tedious a link as i see fit. answers will be posted on the following post and winners will recieve a special mention aswell.

Crossroadski

Neee-Pley!

2008-02-01T10:45:00.000Z

All shall bow to the mighty Neee-Pley!

Dont stare.... its rude to stare!

crossnipples.... i mean roads

Pillow Talk

2008-01-29T11:40:00.000Z

I've come to realise that human kind is divided into different categories by what we do with our pillows:

The neat and tidy sleeper. This kind of person wakes up in the morning with their pillow crisp and without a crease in sight as if it were just ironed. This person is very organised and efficient, with no time in the morning to have to fluff up the pillows and also 'it looks messy otherwise'.
The messy sleeper. This kind of person loves the pillow, it is their sleeping tool which they mould into all shapes and sizes to suit the activity such as reading. This person disregards tidiness for comfort and the pillow emerges in the morning in 'a right mess'.
The huggy sleeper. This kind of person doesn't use the pillow for its proper use and chooses instead to hug it!? this is because they need comforting and suggests problems with forming relationships as they cling desperately to the protectiveness of the womb. look out partners, you may soon or already have taken the place of the pillow and you will/already do get hugged all flippin night long!
The active dreamer. This type of person likes to use the pillow as a toy in their dream games and it ends up being all kinds of things such as a helmet, hotdog, giant mobile phone or even a whacking stick to keep the bed bugs away. This person has an over-active imagination and can be very dangerous at night. Buy this person extra padded pillows!

These are some categories of which man can be placed. See if you can suggest any other categories........

night night, sleep crossroads

How to consume the non-consumer?

2008-01-28T11:36:00.000Z

i feel it is time for a list or 2! well i dont feel that it is time in the physical sense.... i have'nay placed my hand upon time and felt a bit fluffy and decided that this feeling was an urge of list writing, or that it meant i had to do it. i suppose what the real question is, is why do we allow ourselves to be consumed in time? we are forever engulfed in instance..... the past and present are merely a daydream and/or fantasy and for the most part both are fabrications of reality. the only real thing in life is this moment now........ no its now, now......wait that bit is the past now and this bit is the present....... oh shit now thats the past...... this is tiring stuff trying to hang onto 'the now'!
did you know that everybody exaggerates stories to some extent as a kind of an instinct thing. it is to try to draw the listener or your audience to your experience and you try to make the listener experience it themselves.... which is impossible. a great example of when this happens on a large scale is magic shows and the such. a magician is fooling his/her audience and tricking them into believing in magic as they have no other explanation. now as you and i know there is no such thing as 'magic' and everything has an explanation but you would be surprised at how many people are willing to believe the opposite. part of this process is when someone spreads the word about the magician, what they will do is explain the tricks and exaggerate them in order for the other person to be mystified as well leaving out things in their own memory such as slight of hand or times at which the magician could have planted an object so for example, a magician who makes a coin vanish from his hand after waving his other hand over it may change to the coin was in the palm of his hand then he gently closed his fingers round the coin and opened his hand and the coin had gone. the mind erases the memory of the magician waving his hand over the coin and if this was told to someone else the obvious logic would be that he somehow palmed it or took it at that moment and this would make the person telling it look foolish. and this is why magicians still have an air of mystery and magic is still believed. the same thing with tarot card readers.... they ask some very broad questions and narrow down from clues in your answers and eventually say something which 'means something to you' but also make quess work using broad statements like 'im getting the name dave does that mean anything to you? no? david? dan? oh you know a donald yes donald is the name im getting its just not very clear love!'. also they say things like 'you are a very caring person aren't you and you try to see the good in people'. this technique is known as 'cold reading' and is very effective because EVERYBODY likes to think that they are caring and try to see the good in people or at least the majority of people do but the idiot paying the tarot reader thinks their powers are real as they 'hit the nail' with broad statements like that! when this person tells someone else that this tarot reader said things they couldn't have known this is because they block out the previous guesswork of the fraudster so they can believe in what they are saying and they wont look foolish to the person they are telling. they ignore evidence that may suggest they are wrong and take in all the evidence that back up their beliefs, serving to make their beliefs stronger.

sorry about that went on a bit of a ramble, i must say however that i think magicians are ok as long as what they are doing is entertainment and they dont try to claim to have magical powers but tarot readers and the like are frauds who make a lot of money out of other people's vulnerabilities....... wankers!

here's the lists

things that amaze me:

magnets..... wow how does that work!? let me have a go
modern technology....... wow haven't we humans done well as a race in developing amazing technology very quickly!
the sensor thing you wave your hand over in public toilets so as to avoid touching dirty flush handles...... annoying thing is you still have to lift the toilet lid up...... hmm a gap in the market!?
animals.... wow some of them are funny!
hippo's being sent to the moon.

things that un-amaze me:

pencils..... they're so last millenia.
bills......... his are just so un-amazing
mud
tiramisu
cement mixers

pick a crossroads any crossroads......

Mad Blog Rush

2008-01-25T14:30:00.001Z

well it seems to be a bit of a blog rush here at the 'network. 2 blogs in one day i hear you say! but i didn't see you pay! i cry in dismay! 'oh, well here is some hay!?' you suddenly proclaim, and i say ok now put it on the tray and dont play with your jayjay in may....... it may pass away.

i didn't mention that spurs went and did it! we absolutely stuffed the arse nal 5-1! i know that maybe arsenal could have had a stronger team but there is never an excuse to lose a north london derby and that scoreline has embarrased arsenal as a football club and it has made their fans an absolute target of pisstaking for a few years to come. i know it took us 9 years to beat them but they have never given us an absolute belittling as we did to them on tuesday night! after such a poor start to the season i think this has made it all worthwhile and if we go on to win nothing and get nowhere in europe i shall not be left a hollow man come the end of the season. that was our cup final, that was our chance to right so many wrongs and what a scoreline to do it with! i better stop talking shit before my bubble bursts.... which it is likely to do on sunday when we go to old trafford in the F.A. Cup! oh well...... and arsenal you can have your silverware, coz one day we will get there, and we'll be able to say, we absolutely smashed you along the way!

after 2 long long long weeks of solid uni work trying to get everything handed in on time (3 lab reports 2000 words each, a coaching file 3000+ words in total, a 2000 word essay on corner kicks in football and a practical lab exam- which i very nearly aced by the way!) i can finally relax for a week or 2 before the real work starts!..... i know! how does it get any realer than that shit!? but believe me it does! the best thing is though that i feel very positive about all my work so far and im pretty sure i should be averaging a 2:1 but i shall find out in the following weeks! it does make me think how many people would finish with first degree honours if we all put real effort in throughout the year rather than right at the last minute. maybe im learning this slowly but i think it is just in the nick of time!

crossroads BSc

Morning.....

2008-01-25T02:05:00.000Z

yes i am blogging at 2 in the morning. this is dedication at its highest ladles and jellyspoons! i mean could you ask for any more from AzzManNetwork? well actually i suppose you could ask for a shoulder massage, a nice cup of hot chocolate and a monkey clasping a minty hammer, but..... you guessed it, you wouldn't have got those things whether you asked for them or not!...... maybe the minty hammer actually...... yes you might have got the minty hammer but without the minty bit....... you would probably just get the hammer with no minty freshness at all! but i've run out of those so please dont ask for one so as to avoid dissapointment!
i am up at this silly time as i am finishing a lab report on blood pressure that is to be handed in to reception by 12:30 tomorrow! ive had waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many cups of coffee and my head is going at 55555555555555555mph and my body however is travelling somewhere in the present future or so i was told once, i never did get to see the end of that film someone rang me near the end to tell me 49 little white lies.

here's a joke then bye

a woman is showing a general handyman round her house to inform him of the colours she would like the rooms to be painted. 'i would like it to be red in this room' says cindy. the handyman we shall name barry goes to the window and shouts out 'green side up!'. cindy is a bit pertubed however doesnt like to say anything. they go to the next room and cindy says 'i would like this room to be beige'. barry opens the window and shouts 'green side up!'. getting a bit annoyed now but holding her toungue cindy moves onto the next room. 'i want this room in a chocolate brown' barry opens the window and shouts 'GREEN SIDE UP'. cindy says 'why the hell do you keep shouting green side up ive asked you for brown, beige and red!?' barry says 'sorry luv ive got 2 YTS boys in your garden laying the turf!
the end goodnight
too late for crossroads

And in the famous words of Porky Pig...........

2008-01-21T11:18:00.000Z

The JayHawk, Twinkle Toes, The ChazMan and my good self bowled our jolly brains out last night..... things got messy! and...well.... The AzzMan and JayHawk, we did draw 2-2 on games however i was outclassed by some fantabulous bowling from the Daj! he got a turkey which is 3 strikes in a row at one point and whammied a score of 153! my best of the evening was 135 but i only managed 100, 97 and 111 on my other goes. ive done better. as for the poor old (by old i mean young) ChazMan, he managed an alltime record of just 7 points off his first 4 throws (or 8 throws depending on whether you look at it from the perspective of a german rat weasel eating grime off of the two times world champion of table tennis, Ping Pong! he has an amazing back hand!) but he is usually quite good. and Carla 'Twinkle Toes' Davies done herself proud with 2 strikes over the course of the evening.
Anyway............. uh
..........................................uhhh
............mmm
cant think of anything worth typing...

Spurs have yet again set themselves up for a fall getting as far as a semi-final only to draw Arsenal again! the fact is quite simply that we cant beat them and the best we ever get is a draw, even though we always manage to get the lead against them! last year in this same fixture we found ourselves 2-0 up at half time in the first leg only to get nosebleeds and lose the bottle to actually get a result against them! We tend to be given only one chance at doing one over on Arsenal as they subsequently brought their class to the second leg and there was no way they were giving us another chance! we lost that second leg 3-1 i believe. its the same old story with spurs, two weeks ago we played out of our skins to go 1-0 up and then proceeded to bottle many chances to put the game beyond the scumbag's reach....... yes you guessed it they got an equalizer late on, and as history does have an annoying habit of repeating itself joined with the fact that (and this pains me greatly to say it but....) the goons have been a damn classy team this year, i very much doubt they will allow us another chance to seize a place in the final. Maybe the only glimmer of hope is that they now have to come to the lane (whereas last year this was reversed) and while this season so far has not done anything to validate this but..... White Hart Lane has been known to be a bit of a fortress...... somehow i just cant seem to get a clean grasp on this greasy pole of hope. There is a slight dry patch on this pole and this is the fact that we've scored more home goals (NOT OWN GOALS!) than any other team in the top flight this season but while this sounds great we've also let in nearly as much along the way.
this leads me to 2 score predictions:
A realistic and history proven 3-1 to the Arse
and a deluded, hope driven, spurs fan prediction of 3-2 to the almighty white army!
after all isn't false hope what being a spurs fan is all about!? either way it is a game not to be missed and i have a feeling its gonna be a right crackerjack.

CrOsSrOaDs and out

I've had a thought!

2008-01-20T11:58:00.000Z

its not often you all get the chance to hear from the azzman network is it?! well i have been busy, you see? do you? do you see? i don't mean do you understand that i have been busy i am merely asking you if you have the gift of sight? i do and it makes me kind of giddy sometimes! but its ok coz i can see something near me to hang on to if i do become giddy with sight! can you imagine if i couldn't!?...... Bad times!
we've not long had our internet access back as we moved home and for some reason it took 21 days and 3 phonecalls for tiscali to sort their life out!
anyway ive got this idea about life and it generally involves circles and hard to follow diagrams with no key and lots of lines. i was kinda thinking the other day about a scientific fact/theory (i suppose nothing can be fact in this bizarre dream we call reality- HEAVY!) is that energy is never lost, it is simply transformed to another form of energy so for example the energy from the sun is photosynthesisededed by plants for energy to grow that energy is then eaten and transformed to kinetic energy or mainly heat energy which then is transformed into.... i kinda get lost at this point but you get the picture. if this is the case and if we can for one moment assume our souls or spirits are a form of energy by themselves then it leads to the simple logic that there must be life after death as the energy from our soul or spirit will not be lost but transformed into...... what? i dont know and neither do you so im gonna stop talking nonsense and so should you.
man this network gets deep sometimes!
have you ever wondered why i use so many !!!!!!!!'s? i do yet i still use them coz it just feels right!
i was wondering the other day why i always wait for stuff to happen and i kinda have this instinct, and i guess from talking to others most other people have this too, to assume things will happen for nothing and i get frustrated when they don't. for example, some of my uni work..... i just assume that i will start an assignment with plenty of time before hand in dates although i never make any kind of effort to start it or help myself and then before i can give myself a slap i have only just enough time to work solidly to get it in on time. now, i realise that this will probably mean that it wont be as good as it should be, and i learnt this lesson quite a few years ago, i learnt the theory behind it but never learnt practically from it!? does that make sense?
anyway i am slowly trying to force into my head that you only reap what you sow and maybe one day soon i shall become driven to succeed in the things i want to achieve..... maybe not. i guess this kinda relates to Newton's third law that every action has an equal and opposite reaction..... have a think about that will you!?
so to summarise this lesson i think we've all learned a bit about my mental health, some of you have been able to apply the things you've learnt into a match situation, some of you have been able to develop your skills and start to understand the principles of these skills. i want you all to remember that the drills we do in the session are to increase your performance in a game and you'd be surprised how much the stuff we learn in the session flys out the window when we get into a game at the end. so you should all be thinking during a game.... support play; width and depth in attack; compact in defense; create space and think about where your pass is going!

get a shower and i'll see you at the crossroads.

'The Sad Times'

2007-12-17T13:55:00.000Z

moving homes todaysies,
me and the woman are off to a new house, it is really exciting but sad also as we are having to move out of a place we both love and we both have many happy memoirs of being here! why move if we are happy? because you silly peoples we are moving to a house with a garden a garage (which will be my very own gym!) and we will have the option to buy the place somewhere along the line!
so...... chin up, hands by our sides and in we jump both feet first!........and no looking back! always moving forward never looking back! unless of course there is a wall in front of you in which case you must go around it, or climb over it, or dig under it..... or smash straight through it! unless of course it was the wall of our new house coz then we'd have to pay for the damage! not that we wouldn't pay for the damage if it was your house..... ya get me?
Cats are very much thefunny.co.uk! they act all weird when you move like they can sense its about to happen! for example just the other day i came in and raz was wearing one of carla's thongs and her bra while mitzy was cooking fried eggs and flinging them at raz shouting 'dance fat boy, dance!'...... hopefully they will calm down once they're settled into the new place and raz can get back to wearing his own damn bra's!
well ive gotta go 'load the van' or as carla likes to say 'feed raz' and then ive gotta put all our belongings into the van that is parked outside!
fare well and mind how you crossroads

Manchester and stuff

2007-11-30T14:36:00.000Z

I've decided you all need to know of my 'experiences-Manchester'......

it was kinda rapid in that we went for the weekend yet spent little over 24 hours there.... you work it out!?
Things went on...

i won poker on friday night..... correction saturday morning! this sounds great but in actual fact 4 hours of poker lasting until 6 in the moro won me back about 3 quid on a 5 quid stake! we had lots of fun and heated debates about the rules we should and should not apply... this involves everyone at some point taking the higher ground and saying they dont care and they're fed up of everyone else debating it, ha ha however coz moments later they find themselves right back in the middle of it all! basically it all boils down to the fact that i'm right and everyone else who argues against me is left.. i mean wrong! in fact lets get this one bit that always causes tension straight shall we........... the whole point of poker is not that everyone is able to get brilliant hands on a regular basis.... why? because poker IS NOT a game of luck, luck is one of the principles of the game however the most part and what is considered as the 'skill' part of it is reading other people as to what hand they may have, not just body language but how they bet too. if everyone has high hands most of the time then betting becomes erratic between the ones that have high hands. why would you try to bluff people with a crap hand knowing the chances are 2 or 3 people have good hands!? also knowing the chances are that your next hand will bring you some better 'luck'!? this just leads to crap hands folding and good hands always taking the pot. this one of many points (believe me this is why we were playing till 6!) is that if you take away the principle of bluffing in poker then you may as well just roll dice and bet on who's going to roll the highest score.
right sorry bout that went into one there! we did watch gory films and funny films!
we did eat fry ups! yum!
beer was drunk! weed and cigars were smoked! trees were fell, yawns were yawned, dawns was broken, buses were ridden (dont get me started! i will go on more than if i were talkin bout poker! see tobiwan.co.uk for an idea of why!!!), women kissed each other!, and to top it all off me and the young failed jedi were kept awake at 5 in the morning to the moans and groans of a real life hussy!
lots of motorway

............crossroads!

The City of The GobShite

2007-11-20T17:19:00.000Z

s'up, we's offt' Manch'ster 't t' weekend! y'pee! Tob'wan, Matt t' Hat 'n m'self. we'll b' drink'n, smokin' c'gars, 'n gen'rally livin' t'up!

wow that was hard work! anywayz, really lookin forward to goin out in the 'chester maybe i'll meet Liam Gallagher next to the 'wonderwall', i'm sure we would then have 'hindu times' 'underneath the sky'. It feels like 'half the world away' as its so far! but 'its good to be free' to go up to see Joel the Iron Pole! i hope when we get there he's not sitting in his 'rockin chair' 'goin nowhere', but i'll soon make him 'listen up' and come out for a drink. we dont want him to 'fade away'! i'll miss Carla, but 'some might say' 'she's electric' so i hope she 'dnt look back in anger' when i go, i'll be the 'better man'! i woke up this morning with 'morning glory' but its just a 'force of nature'! i wont be 'hung in a bad place' about it!

You may think you need 'cigarettes and alcohol' but its 'probably all in the mind' so chuck em in the bin and 'get on down' to the crossroads!

Socks,Socks, Everywhere But Not a Pair in Sight!

2007-11-20T17:06:00.000Z

I have lots of socks actually and hardly none boxers! where do they get to? maybe every now and then they get fed up of life as a pant and just decide 'why should my life be a constant teabagging!? why should i 'take one' in the face every time HE has wind!? i cant take the constant ups and downs life throws at me!' and then they pack their lunchbox and leave!

That is all,

maybe they go to wait at the crossroads!?

Check this......

2007-11-15T16:50:00.000Z

if you want a giggle then look up steve hughes on youtube, he's an australian guy who does 'heavy metal' stand up comedy, he is very funny however he does swear a lot in case that offends you. i first saw him live at the comedy store in london and i was wetting myself! let me know wot ya'll think......

Now then..........

2007-11-14T11:23:00.000Z

Right I've got some stuff to put out here on the 'station weather you like rain or not!

oooooh where to begin..... ok here seems good, i did one to the notts on Thursday and then on the Friday Carla and myself did do all of our xmas shopping in almost one hit but had to finish off on the Saturday (El, did you notice how I'm using capital letters at the start of days of the week? I'm very proud of me!) so everyone who receives a prezzie from us this crimbo you now know of its origins. (we made sure we didn't buy our presents from poor kids who work their fingers to the bone for a penny a month as that would be promoting child labor, so unfortunately now those poor kids are working their fingers to the bone knowing that the masterpieces they have created are going to stay put on the shelves of a shop somewhere!......... only jokin before you all unsubscribe from your favourite blog station! oh by the way all of you are yet to pay the subscription fee, don't worry its a one off payment of only £49.99, checks made payable to Aran Hawkins, £10 per azzman network session thereafter with an added charge of £2.50 per comment made. all rights reserved)

And then............ oh yeah Saturday night! oh what fun mmhm! i driveded to Chesterfield to be at the latest gig of STRANGEDAY, i had myself a good time. As Toby has mentioned it was a bit of a strange gig, suitably. Lets just say it was an intimate gig and leave it there. (NO ALCOHOL). I was blown away by all the rocking that went on, and the band were too classy for the audience. My favourite moments were..... Beautiful, Give it Some, Grace Abuse, Fog pilot, and the second song of the night which i don't know the name of, its a new one i believe and i was very impressed! Covers included End of the World which Toby forgot to remember the words to, he he, Message in a bottle which was quality (Toby has mastered this one i think) and the best version of Johnny Be Good I've ever heard with plenty of rocking and a mind blowing drumming performance by Darth Paul. I got all excited inside listening to this one! oh yeah and they didn't play my requested cover which upset me a little.... Workin' 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton would've gone down a storm! I think my favourite part of the evening though was before the gig even started. Strangeday were warming up and played an amazing version of Beautiful (i think it was this one but i couldn't hear the words coz they wasn't using the mic's, but i didn't need to coz the music they were playing made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up! i don't mean literally like, my hairs don't have little legs which they are able to stand up on, they don't sit down either coz they have no bums, so they just hang there then when they played the song they just kind of point out a little bit! imagine if they did have bums though....... wouldn't life be messy!?). Then at the end we Kebabbed a gooden!
Really Guys you should be playing to thousands, i believe you have the talent to go far and i hope you soon start getting the recognition you deserve!

anyway this blog has lasted far too long!

Rock on to the crossroads!

So i was thinking right........

2007-11-08T09:24:00.000Z

Isn't 'thinking' a bit of a wierd thing? How does it work? i know that i can 'think' ...... sometimes, but i have no idea how i do it... it just kinda happens! i dont really wanna carry on with this coz i'll end up sat here rocking, dribbling at the mouth (hopefully nowhere else), and staring into space 'till Carla comes home, and upon hearing the key in the lock i'll come to as it dawns on me that we're going to Nottingham this weekend and i haven't done any of the things she asked me to do so we can leave on time.......... i'm in so much trouble!..............oh hang on that hasn't happened yet, YES! now i have plenty of time to doss about untill Carla's due home in half hour and rush around panicking and making sure ive done everything....... shit i've forgotten to get her top out of the wash and dry it!........... start again shall i? right i'll get the top out now to dry and stop boring you all with my day to day trivia!

Anyway i'm going to the Nott's this evening until Sunday which is going to be good ol' fun, its got such a bad reputation and there is way too much gang warfare ant wot not but all that aside its a quality place to go. There's lots to do and see and the nightlife for the most part is buzzin....... i would say its slightly more buzzin then the old classic buzzin B jeans we all used to wear (dont you try denying it!). I think i took to the place quite easily and this may have had something to do with the fact it was the first place Carla and i went away to stay (hey that last bit rhymed, i think thats gonna be my new rhyming slang for play...... yes i think that could work!).

Thanks for coming you're welcome back whenever you like.

i'll c y'all at the crossroads, but not before we've all been for a nice cold beer.

uhh what am i doing back here?

2007-11-07T10:51:00.000Z

oh no my vow to never again blog is being broken! ............ oh well at least we'll all have a bit more fun around here!
this is a summary of what ive been up to since the last time we.... um... well since the last time you visited this blog to find that i had been arsed to write a post......

finished my first year of uni and passed all my modules yay!
im back in my second year now and i have too much work to do booooo!
'they' have officially landed the first hippo on the moon... the hippo was given the job of speeding up the rotation of the moon by running very fast. he must do this for 5 months until the change in gravitational pull means that the queen feels slightly lighter. this will obviously make her 'duties' much easier.
seven
i cant remember any more so you'll have to fill in the rest for yourselves...

wow ive done a lot of stuff! ive even started paragraphing which you may have noticed if you were part of the avid fan club of the network. and yes i realise that the info bout the hippo isn't something ive been up to!....... or is it?

maybe next time i have time out from blogging i'll learn how to use capital letters, correct grammer and chop sticks! (i do already know how to use chop sticks but there is always room for improvement!)

Ever wonderedered why things occur in a circular kind of way rather than in straight lines? dont worry if this makes no sense to you, it does to me and im the one writing it! what i mean is when something happens like say for example you have a conversation with a friend about another person you both havent seen in roughly 6 years. pretty straight line stuff..... until... the very next day you and the friend who featured earlier, walk out of your flat and literally bump into that very person who for some reason has their name printed on the back of their t-shirt!? i think you'll agree thats pretty circular! its like when you learn a new word, for the next week it keeps popping up! now it could be explained by saying that you are now aware of this word and now notice it being spoken or notice it written down but maybe its something way more sinister!? what do you think? i think this kind of stuff happens all the time and these are only 2 examples, i'd love to hear some of your experiences in the comments section........

well im back and ive tried to make this blog a long one as ive several months to make up for!

as always im sure we'll meet at the crossroads, till then my friends..... till then.

Oh yeah i have a blog page! Better Blog!

2007-01-23T11:58:00.000Z

well im just sorry all you azzman networkers out there in the cosmos how could i deny you your favourite blogging experience for over a month!? well il tell you how..............huuuuuuuuuuuuh(taking deep breath)...iwasgonnablogsoonerbutcompletelygottiedupindoingnotalotreallyandthenforgotievenhadablogpageandthatitwasthebestblogpageevertohavebloggedwellnotreallybutiliketodeludemyselfgonnahavetobreathenow..huuuuuuuuuuuuh..... ya c it all makes sense now! that would have made quite a song come to think about it, i should have sung it to you in c minor! oh well onwards to other things...................... did you know that Brazil got its name from the nut not the other way round! or that a watermelon is in fact a vegtable? or even that sheep wont drink from running water? well now you do so theres only one thing left to do and that is to rock on down to new ash green on saturday night for the release of an album known as 'please intervene' by those ones known as 'strangeday'! cant wait its gonna be gigantified! also on the bill is a welter weight boxing extravaganza seeing Joel 'the iron pole' Hawkins take on that wierd looking fella from down the club, dancing bears, lady boys of Bangkok and not to mention the custard eating competition followed by the pea spitting tournament!!! should be a right craic!
anyway c ya there or if not your a kinda square shape thing better known as a LOSER!

thy shall see'ith thee at ye olde crossing roadeth

THAT Friday Feelin!

2006-12-08T16:45:00.000Z

well here it is the long awaited new post from theazzmannetwork!...........well maybe not long awaited but perhaps middle distance awaitedment?
it just so happens to be a friday! you know dat friday feelin when you finish work or college or school or primary school or if you have just woken up or wotever it is that you do around that time of day on a friday? you know.... the one where you know you will be drinking excessive amounts of alcohol in a short few hours and letting yourself float into the arms of friday night that will fudgalise your brain until everything is fun and your inhibitions go on holiday to your knee caps where they make you walk funny and forget about their normal job of stopping you look like a pratt!
well you know that feelin? i dont have it today! i do however want to drink alcoholic fluid in the shape of a beer can several times over!

enough!

thought there should be gappage between that jargon and this serious stuff.
i have tried to put my new magic trick on my blog but it has not worked so you will have to go to youtube and search tobystrange to look at it! then come straight back and rate it out of 10 and guess at how it is done? and no it isn't a chocolate coin!!!!!

p.s. i know what you're thinkin..... primary schoolers getting that friday feelin i described? sounds odd and far fetched dont it!?
dont be so damn naive! this is the day and age of happy slappin, pre-teen murderers, and the ASBO. only last week i had my elbows knocked off by a 7 year old coz i refused to buy him cigg's and porn! then his little sister snapped off my spleen and kicked me in the jolly's!!!!

i cant hang around here all day i have to go and buy me some beer and stuff!......... crossroads

dis be azzman22, now Realize!

2006-12-05T21:13:00.000Z

well hello there all ye peoples and peopesses,
i have been busy!
in less than a week(a week is made up of 7 days,days consisting of 24 lots of 60 min periods of time!) i have been greyhound racing (lots of fun but i won diddly, this was because A... i dint train hard enough coz they are fit ya know! and B i dint back the right ones!), this was uh thursday, and friday i went-a-drinky-matey-easty-bourney-laughy-jokey-lefty-righty-oopsy-daisy! saturday to the comedy store and i did laugh and the rest i cant be bothered to tell you..... but i did learn this....http:// www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w"> www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350">
(present from the sister and bro in law)
enjoy
crossroady-codey

dis be azzman22, now Realize!

2006-12-05T21:12:00.002Z

well hello there all ye peoples and peopesses,
i have been busy!
in less than a week(a week is made up of 7 days,days consisting of 24 lots of 60 min periods of time!) i have been greyhound racing (lots of fun but i won diddly, this was because A... i dint train hard enough coz they are fit ya know! and B i dint back the right ones!), this was uh thursday, and friday i went-a-drinky-matey-easty-bourney-laughy-jokey-lefty-righty-oopsy-daisy! saturday to the comedy store and i did laugh and the rest i cant be bothered to tell you..... but i did learn this....http:// www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w"> www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"> (present from the sister and bro in law)
enjoy
crossroady-codey

dis be azzman22, now Realize!

2006-12-05T21:12:00.001Z

well hello there all ye peoples and peopesses,
i have been busy!
in less than a week(a week is made up of 7 days,days consisting of 24 lots of 60 min periods of time!) i have been greyhound racing (lots of fun but i won diddly, this was because A... i dint train hard enough coz they are fit ya know! and B i dint back the right ones!), this was uh thursday, and friday i went-a-drinky-matey-easty-bourney-laughy-jokey-lefty-righty-oopsy-daisy! saturday to the comedy store and i did laugh and the rest i cant be bothered to tell you..... but i did learn this....http:// www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w"> www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"> (present from the sister and bro in law)
enjoy
crossroady-codey

dis be azzman22, now Realize!

2006-12-05T21:12:00.000Z

well hello there all ye peoples and peopesses,
i have been busy!
in less than a week(a week is made up of 7 days,days consisting of 24 lots of 60 min periods of time!) i have been greyhound racing (lots of fun but i won diddly, this was because A... i dint train hard enough coz they are fit ya know! and B i dint back the right ones!), this was uh thursday, and friday i went-a-drinky-matey-easty-bourney-laughy-jokey-lefty-righty-oopsy-daisy! saturday to the comedy store and i did laugh and the rest i cant be bothered to tell you..... but i did learn this....http:// www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w"> www.youtube.com/v/U4bgeZnSc7w" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"> (present from the sister and bro in law)
enjoy
crossroady-codey

Hullo?

2006-12-03T10:47:00.000Z

uhh i think you got the wrong number!?

THFC and wot not!

2006-11-20T12:34:00.000Z

so the spurs season carries on, and yet again we struggle to gain points away from home!
a point at Blackburn was, by the end of the game, quite a result for us as we struggled to hit top form again.
Mido could have stole us all 3 points on a couple if not several occasions but as his finishing was abismal, we were left to Defoe's sweetly taken penalty in the 62nd minute and a sending off for Tugay (apparently now a master of 30 yard volleys into the top corner! of course this kind of wizardry from a player who was yet to score this season can only happen against spurs!) to give us a kick in the arse! meaning we perhaps looked like the better team for maybe 20 mins in total! Hossam Ghaly's red card for spurs in the last few mins was in my oppinion very soft, and was a dissapointing end of a game for possibly the best player's performance for spurs! Davids had a good first half and not surprisingly that half was all he could manage, Defoe had a good game coming close with a turning overhead side kick, and making light work of running past the left back, only for his dangerous balls across the goal mouth to be easily dealt with as no one seemed hungry enough to charge into the area and be on the end of such good build up play!
Huddlestone put in a comfortable performance, assou ekotto was average, and Robinson made 1 or 2 fine saves (and needs no excuse for the goal as i doubt that there is a keeper in the world capable of stopping a shot like it! a definate goal of the month if ever i saw one!) Lee had a poor game and at times was a liability!
onwards to the uefa cup on thursday against bayern leverkusen where hopefully we should have more succes going forward with a rested Berbatov playing against his old team!
maybe we are missing Carrick, and his unrivaled distribution of the ball, in the league? maybe Zakora will soon fill his boots?

sorry to those of you who hate football or spurs but this was in my head so you get to hear about it!
and by the way i scored 6 goals in my football frolicking over the weekend and earned a man of the match to go with it! worth a mention me thinks as been long time waiting to get back to form!
crossroads.....NOT FORKROADS.......geddit?

Ramesis Nibblick the third, Kerplunk Kerplunk WHOOPS where's my Thribble

2006-11-18T09:52:00.000Z

olleh lla uoy selpoep
woh si uoy gniog?
i ma derob os i tnac eb derehtob ot etirw sdrawrof!
yrgnuh...............attog teg doof.................eyb!

crossroads!
wow taht drow llits semoc tuo lamron neve nehw i epyt ti sdrawkcab!!!!................sti a ycaripsnoc i llet eeht!

H to the Izzo

2006-11-16T11:26:00.000Z

..........V to the izzay!
yezur, its now thursday.
todays blog is being done with great haste for i have much to tell and so little time to tell it!
this message is going out to the top secret bodiam castle crew! news has just reached my britney's that oil is preparing to stop working in a bid to destroy america! its just going to stop being a fuel source by becoming a compound known as fl-oil! by mixing itself with floor boards!
yes thats right people, oil is going to become the worlds biggest terrorist organisation with this being its first of many attacks which will completley mess everyones heads up coz who's gonna see that one comin?!
apparently oil has had a big meeting and its fed up of everyone arguing and now it wants to have the earth for its own!
so, stage one in our plan must be prepared and awaiting action! i have made arrangements for my people to become employed by the castle and are infultrating as we speak!
this is not a conspiracy theory and is 100% true because i read it on the internet!...........i know, that means it definately is true!
in the mean time trust no-one i have also been informed that oil is disguising itself as kittens and also people in authority such as wives, headmasters, ticket guards and war veterans! who will we look to for guidance then? i hear you cry, well we're just gonna have to try and get by without these authoritarians for now and trust our own instinks such as methane!
we are getting closer to the crossroads my friends we may meet there sooner than you may have thought!
this blog will self destruct if you set fire to your computer!

today i AM the walrus

2006-11-14T10:25:00.000Z

word up

today i feel like pretty much the bored! this is a feeling that will pass come 12 o clock as then i become THE WALRUS and my adventures will begin!?
my first adventure will surely be deciding what to have for my lunch quickly followed by making and then eating it yum yum!
next will come probably................im a probably bored of being the walrus by now so maybe il slip back into the me, coz ive got football training again at 3 and people might start thinkin im a bit of nut job! i know, why the hell would they think that? but they would!
well for now i guess il have to carry on as the eggman till my time comes and as for you? i think you neeeeeed to be a bit more careful where you are surfing to on this internet thing coz uhhh this is the kind of place you end up!

il see you at the crufts show.............i mean crossroads..........im not even gonna be at the crufts show so uhhh dont go there to meeeeeeeet me or anything stupid.
now get off my web space

happy monday!

2006-11-13T11:48:00.000Z

yes it is monday! 3 days after and 4 days before friday! i hate mondays as a general rule because of many a reasoning!
1. its the start of the week and there is always loads of stuff to do in the following few days that makes you say uuuuhhhgggh fluuuurrr crap!
2. i have only one hour in uni meaning i have to travel to eastbourne for a tutorial which really sucks!
3. it sucks because in comparison to fridays its by far one of the worst days that anyone could invent!
4. tiredness is always present due to weekend funberlings.
there is also many other reasons that im sure you are screaming at your computer screens right now, but please dont shout coz its monday for goodness sakes!
i propose getting rid of mondays.......... if you're with me give me a hell yeah?!
actually, i do have football training in the evenings! and i suppose if mondays were no more to be then poor old tuesday would then have to take the burden of all us monday mourners, poor old tuesday! so i guess monday mornings are mostly the bad and evenings aren't so bad for me, and i would feel bad for tuesdays, so i guess mondays can stay but i wish, as a day, it would pick itself up a bit and look to days such as friday and saturday for inspiration!
MONDAYS TAKE NOTE!!!
i would much appreciate anyone elses take on the day of monday and your proposals for us all to have a better one?

what can i do but march onto the crossroads

azza

way to blog!!!!!

2006-11-12T22:27:00.000Z

hello all ye blogging nutters and nuttesses,
gather round coz me has joined the fun!
i thought id let you all (you all meaning probably 2 people, but i thought it sounded like i had more blog friends) that you should all start walking a whole lot more!
you see the fact of the matter is that when you are sitting at rest, your metabolic rate (the rate at which your body uses energy) is very low. this is because at rest the average person consumes 0.3 litres of oxygen per min, or 18l an hour or 432l a day, meaning your caloric expenditure is around 2,074kcal/day. (this of an average man of around 70kg.)
because of the low intake of oxygen you are only oxidising a low amount of adenosine triphosphate (energy globlets) roughly speaking meaning excess energy will be stored in other (fatty) ways.
when you stand up, you actually need to use more energy as you are holding up your own weight meaning you will oxidise more atp in order to have kinetic energy to do all the standing.
therefore if you walk something like 3 miles a day then you will be using up loads of energy by speeding up your metabolism and will definately find a massive change in fitness in a short period of time. those of you who think cycling is better than walking? around 4 times more energy is consumed walking 3 miles than cycling 3 miles and this is because when you are sat on the bike you are not holding up your body weight at the same time as exercising.
WALKING 3 MILES burns as much energy as RUNNING 3 MILES!!!!!!!
but im sure im probably preaching to the converted as you probably do lots of exercise anywho and this wont make much difference BUT if you dont exercise this small effort could help you against all kinds of cardiovascular and respiratory type problems you may encounter along your way to the crossroads.

im sorry this probably doesn't make sense as i cant be bothered to go into too much detail as thats lots of typing but if you are interested in learning more i could charge you like half price or something to tell you more? about 50 bucks maybe?
what am i going on about?!?!

crossroads innit!
azza

The AzzMan Blog Station

2006-11-12T13:21:00.000Z

The AzzMan Blog Station
this is the first of posting to see if i get it right, maybe it will be one of the most fantastic posts you have ever read? maybe not! but who's to say you should even be reading this rubbish in the first place!